Saturday, July 30, 2011

Rosebud In Bloom now Tulips to Kiss You With

I don't want to confuse people, but I feel the change is necessary. As a Senior in High School who's changing a lot in her life, I feel like I'm opening up a new chapter, so "Rosebud in Bloom" seems inadequate; I don't want to be known as a teenager who's blooming; I wanna be bold and Tulips to Kiss You With has always been a catch-phrase that describes me, one way or another. First of all, I love tulips. Secondly, I am forever a hopeless romantic.

So, what does the changes going on in my life mean for my blog? First, I should explain what's going on in my life, no? Nearly my whole life, up until lately, I thought that I would pursue a career in Musical Theatre. I thought I'd be the one who'd make it to Broadway; who would be a star. But, I realized that it's not my only passion. Since I was young, I always enjoyed photography, sketching, fashion, jewelry, vintage stuff, interior design, journalism, Disney and most of all, I wanted a family. Pairing all of those things with musical theatre is nearly impossible. Musical Theatre is such a risk. If you want to do it, it has to be the only thing on your mind, but for me, it's not. I know I could never let myself be out on the streets because I didn't have a job between jobs, there'd be no room for buying clothing in my budget, no Disney trips and certainly no time for dating or a family. It's not exactly easy to cultivate a relationship or build a solid income when you're flying from coast to coast to find jobs just to sustain yourself enough to live. With an emotional two hour cryfest, I decided that I didn't want to be a chorus girl my entire life. I decided to go after something that was a passion for me my whole life that I didn't realize could become a profession. I'd always wanted to have a job in business. Don't ask me why, because I don't know. It's not glamorous, but it sounds interesting to me. I decided I'm going to major in business, probably PR or marketing and minor in fashion. At least with PR and marketing, my acting classes won't have gone to waste.

And you want to know something funny? Even after all those years of building up my Broadway dreams, now that I've decided on something solid, I'm actually okay. I'm actually excited for a real college experience. I've worked my entire childhood, all day and all night, like I was already in the business. I never had time for friends, I was never so bored on the weekends that I went to the mall with my friends, I always had rehearsals. Heck, I barely had time for homework. I just feel like I need to make up for all those years I've missed. I kind of just want to live a normal life. I want to date guys that I've never had the time to date, go to art museums I've always wanted to go to... Of course I'll never stop singing or dancing or going to the theatre, but it's not going to be my whole life.

I haven't given up. I've only grown up. The idea of being a Broadway star is like that old dress that you got when you were 12 that you wanted to keep wearing, but after a while, it stopped fitting. But you didn't care, you just kept wearing it, despite all the finger wagging from your mom and odd looks from your friends. Then, you finally realize that it's time to move on, that you've reached a point where if you find a dress you love now, it'll keep fitting for years and years because you're finally blooming; it's something that you can keep loving for years. You still have that little dress, but it's not the main thing in your closet. You still love it and you've realized over time you always will. You may have grown out of it, but it's always something you can revisit.

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